A little birdie flew into our lives

Our sweet Little Bird has been with us for 14 days. In that time we have learned a thing or two. I'm not saying we know everything - but we kinda do.

We have compiled a summary of astute observations that we noticed as we've "mastered" parenting.

1. You go through a large quantity of paper towels
2. You can justify lying "We don't have anymore cookies. You ate them all." (there are 10 more in the pantry.)
3. Your brain forgets everything in the home is now childproof and you do a lot of pulling and yelling at the cabinet doors.
4. Cheerios are like Gremlins. Every night they multiply and there are more of them in random places 
5. The level of hygiene decreases dramatically
6. Chuck E Cheese is the socioeconomic crossroads of America
7. You secretly hope the child wakes up so you can play 
8. You feel like a stand-up comedian trying out your new material in hopes of getting a laugh or two
9. Your lower back hurts - all the time
10. Belly buttons are hilarious
11. Baby finger nails are razor sharp (and especially painful in belly buttons and nostrils)
12. My husband does a killer Elmo impression
13. You will compromise safety and adjust your car rear-view mirror to get the perfect view of the child in your back seat
14. Food will end up on your clothes everyday... often without your knowledge
15. You will drink expired milk for two weeks because you are too exhausted to check the expiration date - even though you know it tastes funny. (Don't worry, the baby did not drink this spoiled milk. Just the adults)
16. Every morning, as you open your eyes, you question whether you've been drugged the night before
17. The washer will overheat any day now due to the significant increase of use
18. People are eager to help a child in need. It's been humbling.
19. I love my husband even more 
20. I adore every inch of this little 22lb human