Making a house homey

The night before the homestudy, Nick and I hustled to finish the last minute projects and triple checked our to-do  list to make sure we were in compliance with all the home standards. And of course we made more work for ourselves than we needed to. But you get one chance to make the house perfect - right?
Our to-do list had two categories. 1) Things that the state requires. 2) Things Jaklin requires

setting up the crib

Things that the state requires:

• Double lock meds - Check
• Lock up all paints - Check
• Lock up all cleaning supplies - Check
• Ensure outlet covers are on all outlets - Check
• Get 5lb fire extinguisher - Check
• Set up bed for kid(s) - Check

Things Jaklin requires:

• Replace the dead, sun scorched flowers with new, living flowers - Check
• Sweep and mop the dog fur up - Check
• Drop off furry dogs at the groomers so they are so fresh & so clean, clean - Check
• Rearrange the master bedroom furniture - Check
• Switch around wall art in the whole condo - Check
• Make delicious cookies - Check
• Put out fresh flowers on the kitchen table - Check 
• Ensure you have refreshing summer drink options. ie: Pink Lemonade & Sweet Tea - Check
• Clean baseboards - Check

yum, it smells so cozy.

So Wednesday came and I took the whole day off of work and Nick took a half day.  I worked hard to find the perfect radio station that could set the mood. I settled on the "Coffee House" station. Then I pulled out the dough I made from the night before and baked the cookies so the whole house would smell of chocolate & vanilla.  Because nothing says "homey" like fresh baked cookies.

A dear friend came over in the morning and brought me a vanilla latte and let me practice my congenial home tour on her. Her daughter of toddler age gave me a raving review.

Our Family Developer (FD) arrived and was warm and engaging. As planned, Nick arrived an hour after she got there, so I was able to give her the grand tour before she interviewed us both. She was pleased with the room setup and said everything looked great. She approved of the locked meds, the fire extinguisher & outlet covers. 

Then Nick came home and we did our joint interview there at the kitchen table - by the freshly arranged, homey flowers : )  I thought this was a great time to break out the delicious drinks.  Nick and I told the FD how we met, how we came to the fostering decision and what our expectations were for fostering. That lasted for an hour or so, then I offered up the cookies. They were a big hit. Nick kept going back for more. 

Then Nick went up stairs and she interviewed me separately for an hour or so. Then we swapped. I went upstairs and Nick was interviewed separately. I certainly was not listening from the hallway.

All and all I think we did well. We made her laugh a couple of times and we were forthcoming with our thoughts, fears and expectations. 

And now we wait. The FD said it will take about 4 weeks to write the homestudy document & get it approved by the various channels. Once that happens, we are on the "Open List" and we could get a call for a child at any time.

We have to give a huge thanks to everyone who prayed for us and wished us luck. We certainly felt confident and positive about the whole experience. Again, we have the best support network ever!

Homestudy

The homestudy is here!  The homestudy is here! (Wed. at 1:00pm)

I’m super duper excited. This marks the last of our prep work before we can become official foster parents. It's the goal we've focused on since we started this process 9 months ago.

What is a homestudy you ask? I would define it as a 4-6 hour interview between you, your spouse & the Family Developer from our agency.  It’s a chance for the Family Developer to ask a zillion personal questions about you in order for her to write a 25 page document about you and the mojo in your home.  Essentially, after our interview she will write a research paper on us. That research paper is either approved or not approved. Once approved, we can be on the “Open List” for kiddos.

If y’all don’t know- I love telling my story. I mean who doesn’t? I guess private people don’t, but I’m an open book. Call me narcissistic, or a product of my millennial generation, but I can talk about me, my husband, and my life for hours.  Lucky Family Developer. Right?!? 

Sample Questions:
1) How did you meet your husband? (in Pre-School)
2) What kind of support system do you have? (Amazing group of friends & family who have surrounded us & incredible siblings who are so pumped for us.)
3) What’s your communication style? (We dance-it-out)
4) What are your expectations for fostering? (Hold on for the ride of a lifetime)
5) What was your childhood like? (uhm, this one is going to take a while. In summary, God is good.)

The FD interviews the hubby and I together & then interviews us separately. That’s right - FBI style. We’ve been practicing our answers to make sure we're all synced up.  

Example:
FD: What is Nick’s greatest weakness?
Jak: Oh, gosh. He really doesn’t have any weaknesses. But if I had to list just one, I would say that he cares too much.

Then the Family Developer gets to tour our home and inspect every corner, closet & crevasse and see if we are up to code and abiding by the state minimum requirements.
Giving tours of my home?!?! Yes, please! I’ve been training for this moment for my whole life! (That might be a little exaggeration. But I spend a lot of energy on the layout, color scheme and decor of every room.)

So if you’re reading this, we would ask you to pray. Pray for the Lord’s Spirit to be among us tomorrow and glorified by our conversation & that the FD would get all the info she needs in this one interview so we don’t have to schedule a 2^nd time to meet.

Oh, and pray that we would pass with flying colors.

Stay tuned. I’m sure I’ll be updating with photos & whatnot. Did I mention I’m so excited?!?

Mark your calendars!

Mark your calendars. We have been assigned our Family Developer & we have booked our homestudy for Wednesday the 24th!!!!!  I'm so excited!!

God's Timing

Today is Monday. The day our agency will assign Nick and I to a Family Developer. (FD:-the staff member at our agency who will walk with us through this whole fostering process & help us get our kiddo placements, write the homestudy, etc.) This decision is fundamental & will impact everything going forward.
Also, I really hope today is the day our new Family Developer calls us to schedule the homestudy.
If you're reading this please pray God's divine sovereignty over this FD assignment. Please pray for our Family Developer.
Please pray for the Lord's perfect timing in all of this and our will would submit to His.

Thank you.

Crying in a gray room.

You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry (Psalm 10:17).
Let me tell you a story.
Last week Nick and I finished painting the littles' bedroom, we cleaned up, went down stairs, made some dinner and went about our evening.  Hours later I made my way back upstairs and admired the perfect gray color on the walls. It was late, quiet and I decided to sit down. I parked myself on the carpet in the corner of their room and I let my mind wander.  I pictured what this room looked like in my mind's eye two years ago when we bought this condo. What expectations I had for it (white patent leather tufted head board, yellow silk quilt, teal lamps). Two years ago I rolled my eyes at the thought of kids ever living in this condo.  Nope - this was going to be our swanky, young, hip couple condo.  The kids would come later when we owned the starter English cottage with a yard.

Ha. Well, we know what happened to that though, don't we?

Then I thought about what this room will be in a few months.  A refuge for little ones? A scary place full of new smells, sights and strange surroundings? New bed, new toys, new everything?
Could you imagine being a small child who, within a matter of hours, is traumatized by a family member, taken away from the only home you've ever known, driving away in a stranger's car and then being dropped off at a different stranger's house?  I looked at the door in the room and pictured holding a small, frightened child's hand as they walk into this room for the first time.

Then I cried. I prayed and cried.  I cried for the sorrow that these children must carry. I cried for the sadness that will be in this room.

When we walked  into the condo two years ago with our real estate agent, I had no idea what God would do in our guest bedroom. I had no idea of the path he would put us on. He knows the names and faces of the little ones who will sleep in this perfectly painted gray room. He knows the pain that will break their heart and mine. It's an overwhelming thought.

A couple days later the Lord encouraged me with an out-of-the-blue phone call.  A friend who I haven't spoken with in months called me.  She said the Lord put Nick and I on her heart recently and she had been praying for us. Then she said she shared our story with her women's Bible study and they have been praying for us.  It was such an encouraging conversation about God's faithfulness and such a perfectly timed whisper from the Lord.  He knew I needed a little encouragement, and he orchestrated a precious phone call.

I know the goal is hope for these kids. But to get to the hope, we will help the little ones walk through the pain. They have to process their trauma so they can begin healing.
God is good and he will give us the grace to stand beside these children and hold their frightened, little hands as they walk toward hope - in a perfectly painted gray room.

Common Objections to Adoption/Fostering

Food for thought brought to you by the Zoe Foundation.