A Guide to Waiting: 2nd draft

Well folks, we're back....on the openings list. (see details here)

As you read in my Guide to Waiting: 1st draft, I'm keeping myself preoccupied by preparing for the next child that will be placed in our home. You know what they say, idle hands are the devil's tools, so I'm keeping my hands busy.

Behold, a Guide to Waiting: 2nd draft.

1) Make breakfast ahead of time:
I'm one of those people who wakes up hungry. Like tummy rumbling hungry. But with baby Olive in my arms & soon-to-arrive 2nd child, I will have no time to make breakfast for myself.
Solution? Breakfast muffins! biscuit + egg + sausage + cheese = Winner!

3 simple main ingredients (plus whatever meat you want)

Add to greased muffin tin

Voila! Breakfast of champions!

2) Eat out with friends....a lot. (Luckily baby Olive is a rock star & lets me drag her to restaurants all over town)

3) Super Organize: I'm labeling & organizing Olive's wardrobe so when #2 arrives, we will have room for a second wardrobe.

4) Visit family: Olive & I got away last weekend and went to visit all my wonderful family. I'm so appreciative and thankful for family who loves Olive as much as we do. Grateful.

5) Wash our stinky dogs. Sorry, Molly & Higgins, but it's true. You stink.  

6) Blonde is Back: Spring has sprung, and I have loved my darker hair color but it's time for a refresh for the new season. Time to go back to my "natural" color...

Lookin' good, Jak

7) Think about starting our taxes (interesting fact: if you have a foster child for 6 months are more, you can claim them as a dependent for that tax year).

8) Do laundry - turns out, this of something of a lower priority for me. I've worn the same pair of jeans for a few weeks now... don't judge.

9) There's talks of date night in the works. We'll see if this actually happens. (Nick, are you reading this???)

"Yes, we're open" - For realz this time.

You may have noticed that this post went up in January and then was pulled down a couple weeks later. Well friends, not too long after the original post went out, Nick's mom had to go to the ER. She was subsequently admitted and had to have surgery. She's recovering well and up and around again after about a month. But during that time our agency took us off the open list as we helped care for her while she was in the hospital. Now that Nick's mom is stabilized however, our agency is putting us back on the openings list again.
SO, we're requesting a redo. For realz this time. Our home is now open for any gender/race child between the ages of 2 and 5. We pray this little one is as sweet and amazing as Little Bird and Olive have been/is.
Stay tuned to the blog for all the latest news... Gulp.
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Dear Family & Friends,

We are writing you for three reasons.

1. Thank you. We want to express our gratefulness for your friendship and support. Fostering in and of itself can be an isolating experience. However, we have felt nothing but surrounded and encouraged every step of the way. We say this repeatedly – we could not take care of these children without you. You are just as much a part of this ministry as we are. Thank you. Thank you for walking with us

2. Prayers are heard.  As we've learned more about Little Olive’s case, we are amazed at God’s faithfulness, protection, and timing.  At the exact time we asked you to pray for the next child that was going to be placed in our home, through a set of circumstances only God could have orchestrated, CPS was alerted to Little Olive’s situation.  Because He intervened, she is safe, healthy, and thriving. And in case you don’t remember, Little Bird was born the same month we asked you all to start praying for our decision to become foster parents.

3. We are asking you to pray again.  As you know, we are licensed for 2 children. We are going back on the openings list this week for another placement.  Adding another child will change the dynamic in our home (and our sleep schedule!), but we believe God is in the details and He knows the child that needs our help (The royal “our”). Please pray with us and ask God to intervene for this child. And to give us wisdom and grace to parent two children.

We are so thankful for every prayer, email, blog comment, phone call, text, meal, word of encouragement. Thank you so much. It means a lot to us to know that we are not in this alone.

In His grip,

Jak & Nick

Grief

It's 2AM and I'm up. Nick's out of town and I'm sitting up with my thoughts watching my Little Olive sleep.  I can never sleep when Nick is gone, so I thought I would finally type up these thoughts that keep swimming around in my head.

I think of her everyday. Little Bird has been gone for close to 3 months. We keep silent mementos of her throughout our house. There are two different cute, smudgy hand prints that we refuse to clean off our mirrors. One in the hallway and one in the Littles' Room. I see them all the time. Sometimes I put my hand up to her hand print and try to remember the day and I held her up to that mirror and she smiled and reached her hand out to touch her reflection.

Her pacifiers are still under the crib. Little Bird slept with a pacifier and sometimes they would fall out of the crib during her tossing and turning. We typically would round up the stray pacifiers from under the crib every few days. After she left, we didn't pick them up anymore.  He's seen them and I've seen them - but neither one of us will reach under the crib to remove them. Because if we remove them, then that's one more piece of her that is gone.  So I keep her paci's there and smile when I catch a glimpse of them.

I don't bring this next thing up to many people, but it's part of my story and it's important for me to process, so here it goes.

I'm losing weight. At first I shrugged it off when Nick would mention my clothes looked baggy. Then I went to the annual doctor visit and saw a new number on the scale. I chalked it up to different things. I tried to blame it on the malaria I contracted earlier this summer in Uganda. Admittedly, the initial days after Little Bird left, I had no appetite. But that soon was resolved and I returned to my normal eating habits and calorie intake. Then Olive came and our wonderful friends have provided us with delicious meals. We have been dining like kings for 2 months. But I still had to go buy new jeans that didn't need to be cinched up with a belt like my old ones. I've maintained my "no exercise because-I'm-lazy policy." Then, Nick brought home a new scale last week and I weighed myself for a second time in 3 months. And saw another brand new number, different from the one at the doctor's office. I wondered aloud if I had a parasite, perhaps a tapeworm that was changing my weight? However, it's all forced me to admit what I had suspected. My body is mourning the loss of her. There is a sadness I carry. I still can't talk about her without welling up. I Googled grief and found stories similar to mine. People losing weight due to stress or grief - even though they are maintaining the same calorie intake as before.

I would gladly gain 100 pounds if it meant that I knew she was safe. That she was going to be ok. That Little Bird will grow up in a loving and stable environment and that she would never again have to see the things she's witnessed or feel afraid or alone.  This isn't about the number on the scale.

(Good news: I'm still in a safe weight range and don't intend to get in an unsafe weight range. Ever.)

Readers, Foster Moms, have you had similar experiences? This is new for me and I'm wondering when my body will go back to "neutral."

I'm also curious as to how my body will react when Olive leaves. If you've experienced this same type of thing, did it repeat itself?

Guest Blogger: What Ashley Knows

Hi,

I'm Ashley, Jak's sister.  You may have noticed her lack of blog posts lately.  Yeah, me too.  She has a newborn.  So, I figured I would help her out and give everyone an update. 

Here’s what I know:

Rockin' the Moby

Baby Olive is doing wonderfully well.  I don't have children, so my point of reference is based on my college nannying experience.  But, from what I can tell, she's pretty mellow and a "typical" infant.  Maybe I'm just a proud aunt gushing- but, she is really beautiful and great at cuddling- at such a young age too!  She also looks really fabulous in pink, which goes well with her complexion. 

I know that Jak and Nick have the most amazing friends and network of support.  Seriously, it's been mind-blowing to watch God use folks who have generously poured their love onto Little Bird and Baby Olive.  From the bottom of my heart- thank you for loving them and helping them!  Seriously, you guys rock!   

Another thing I've noticed, fostering has changed my family.  Not just Jak and Nick, but my entire family.  First, Jak and Nick are real parents, not just kind hearted folks who foster.  Watching this all unfold is an odd experience really.  There wasn't a pregnancy or baby showers for me to attend and I didn't get to see my sis pregnant, swollen and miserable.  But, I saw her holding her foster daughter and there it was--- a mother and a child. 

These showed up on our front door shortly after O arrived 

I know that my 22 year old brother graduated from college in December without the ability to feed or burp a baby.  Nick and I quickly remedied this over the Christmas holiday.  Keith has always been the thoughtful type. So on a recent trip to Dallas, when O woke up at 4 a.m. for a feeding, Keith, now confident in his skills, bounded out of bed and up the stairs to assist Jak.  I, on the other hand, slept right through it. 

Yes, he is in an adult onesie. 

I know that I don't have to become a single foster parent at 27 to help the orphan.  After watching Jak and Nick go through caring for Foster Baby No. 1- Little Bird, I decided to become a CASA, or a Court Appointed Special Advocate.  If you aren't fostering, and you have a heart for the orphan, YOU SHOULD DO IT.  Basically, you volunteer to see a child through the process of being taken away from their family and being placed in foster care.  It requires about 20-30 hours a month of your time. Go here to find out about it in your area:  http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301295/k.BE9A/Home.htm.  But, seriously, DO IT. 

What I don't know:

I don't know what's going to happen to Baby O.  I don't know if she will be reunified with her parents.  I don't know if I will get to spend more Christmases with her.  I do not know how to help my sister and brother-in-law heal after what could be the loss of their 2nd child.  I don't know if I will ever feel convinced that reunifying her with her biological parents is what is best for Olive….if that happens.      

Proud aunt Ash, in  a toga......it's a long story

But, when confronted with that overwhelming sense of "Oh crap.  Is my sister a sadist?  Why would she intentionally put herself into situations that could be very painful in the near future?" It hits me: That is exactly what Christ did for me.  

How humbling.  

The 1st Week

We've shared our home for one week with Little Olive.  It gives me goose bumps to think about God's  perfect timing. There have been people praying for her little life even before she was born. She's already found her way into our hearts and we just adore her.

Plus, she has the cutest piggies in the whole galaxy!  O.M.G. look at them. Scrumptious.

Being our first newborn, we've jotted down some new learnings.

Little Olive Toes

1) Too much milk consumption can result in a "milk coma"

2) Newborns squeak

3) Swaddling is the bomb

4) 4:00am seems different than I remember

5) Like my brother, newborns can fall asleep anywhere

6) They are portable

7) They fit in a Christmas stocking (don't worry, we did not hang said stocking above the fireplace with her in it)

8) Babies make even strangers smile

9) They also grunt

10) Newborn diapers are as big an an iPhone

11) Baby hiccups look violent

12) We never thought we'd be happy to see someone poop

13) Bottles remind me of Cheerios

14) People are generous. Within a week, this little girl who had nothing, has a full wardrobe, toys, blankets, baby carriers, diapers and lots people rooting for her.

15) My husband still makes me swoon (especially when he coos over a baby)

The Call: Round 2

Yup. It's a car seat carrier in a pack n play crib.

We've been waiting for the call exactly 2 weeks to the day, when my phone rang at 3:00pm today. By 4:15pm I was picking up a newborn little girl at the hospital.
We might have mentioned this before - but we have no idea what we are doing. We are novice parents, to say the least.  But God knew this and put very competent friends in our lives.

As I'm flying out the door to drive across town to the hospital, my amazing friend Amy K. calls and offers to run to the store for me.  Amy is a mother of 3 little girls and well versed in the ways of child rearing.  It then occurs to me that I will need a infant car seat in order to bring the little child home. Swift thinking Amy offers to run to Target, purchase the reputable infant car seat for me, and meet me across town in the hospital parking garage (Did we ever mention God has blessed us with the most amazing friends ever).

I pull up at the hospital and we rendezvous in the parking lot. Amy skillfully, and with great ease, installs the car seat into my car and then shows me the other items she purchased at the store for the new baby.  "You're going to need this," and she pulls out a sweet, warm little outfit for her. It never would have occurred to me that I needed to dress the child before we left the hospital. Then Amy pulls out a new swaddling blanket and fleece throw to cover her up with... Then I was off to the NICU to meet this new baby with infant carrier, outfit and appropriate blankets in tow.

Amy made me look good. All the nurses gave me compliments on bringing her a proper outfit and blankets for her first ride home. I smugly smiled as if I knew exactly what a newborn needs. After filling out a mountain of paperwork and getting a quick "how to care for a newborn" lesson from the RN, I drove home with a precious baby girl in my back seat. Nick met us in the driveway and carried the sleeping baby into the house. And for safety's sake, put the car seat in the pack n play. That's a good idea, right?
Again - we have no idea what we are doing. Other shout outs to go Saryn, Rachel, Sarah, Holly & TJ for dropping by tonight with baby wisdom and essential supplies. What would we do without this very generous and loving community in our lives?

Not a name for a baby... or an adult for that matter

We still don't have a pseudonym for her yet. We are still trying some out on her - but nothing has stuck yet. Nick keeps attempting to tell me that B-list celebrity names are great pseudonyms. I don't think any baby should be called Snooki or Joan Rivers... ever. No doubt her little personality will come out soon and a perfect name will emerge.

She's perfectly healthy and a great snuggler. She's currently sleeping and making those adorable little baby squeaks next to me in the living room (no worries, we eventually did take her out of the car carrier). She's pretty great and we are thankful to be the one's caring for her.

I think a baby sling or carrier is going to be key.
Parents, any brand suggestions?

A Guide to Waiting

While waiting for the "Call" I've been trying to keep myself busy and make the most of this precious time to get some things checked off my to-do list. Since we've chosen a life of waiting for these types of calls, I'm composing A Guide to Waiting. This way I will never again wonder aloud, "What shall I do until the children arrive?"  I will just go straight to my handy dandy guide for all the answers.

A Guide to Waiting: 1st draft
1) Make the drive to Wal-Mart & do some "middle of the day" shopping.

Zack Morris Timeout: While at Wal-Mart, I was first approached by a woman in the sock isle. She said she wants me to be a face model for her makeup parties. That sounds like code for drug parties to me. No thank you.
Then, in the pajama isle, I was approached by a man regarding his photography services. He must of heard I was an up-and-coming model who might need some portfolio shots. Watch out, I may have a new, face modeling career burgeoning.

2) Buy whole milk for the children. (Little Bird taught us there is no finer drink than whole milk)

3) Cook and freeze food for the upcoming holiday. Thanksgiving happens to be right around the corner, so I am going to cook and freeze as many items as I can before the kid-storm hits.

Before

After. There is a divider for regular & extra hot

This is my famous chipotle mac & cheese. That's right. I said famous. I tooted my own horn.

4) Get yearly Dr.'s appointments out of the way.
5) Sell pile of old books to Half Price Books. I took in 24 books and received a whopping $12.25 for them. woot!
6) Organize the garage. Brother and I hung the strollers on the garage wall. I'm so impressed.

7) Fix everything that is broken. i.e: the camera and vacuum

8) Eat out with friends. A lot.

9) Read

10) Schedule a hair appointment

Ombre Fall color? I think so.

11) Car maintenance. Just got not 1, but 2 oil changes and inspections. 

That's all I have for now...I'm sure I'll update the Waiting Guide as each day passes. 

Openings List: Round 2

We've taken a few weeks to grieve and prepare our hearts for the next kiddos. 

As of today, we are now back on the Openings List and waiting for the phone call for our next foster placement(s) from Child Protective Services. Our mobile phones are glued to us and our ringers are turned on high.

Quick Summary:

• We are officially licensed to care for two children between the ages of newborn to 5 years old. 
• Typically, after we get the call confirming children are going to be placed with us, they will arrive in our home that same day.
• It could be a few days or a few weeks before we get THE CALL.
• After we get children placed with us, we'll update everyone through our blog. So stay tuned.

Please pray. Pray hard. We believe God knows the names, faces, and stories of the children that will be placed with us. We need lots of grace as we head into this again.

Thank you for supporting us and the children who need our help (by "our" we mean the "royal our" -- i.e. You're in this with us. You might want to rethink your friendship with us).
We also want to thank everyone in advance for the kind emails, texts, and phone calls of support. Please know how much that support means to us, even if we can't respond to everyone right away.

humbly,

Nick & Jak

Early Retirement

We are making a few changes around here....again.
After much deliberation and soul searching, we made the decision for me to resign from my public relations job and be a full-time foster mom.
We strongly feel foster parenting is our focus right now and we know we are extremely fortunate and blessed to be able to make this choice for our family.

Upon my last week of work, in classic Nick style, he threw me a surprise retirement party!

There were balloons, a purple retirement crown, and my little brother drove 3 hours to surprise me.

 I'm going to be honest, retiring at 31 is as awesome as it sounds!